Archive for the Reasons to Avoid AB and M-C (Anheuser Busch and Miller-Coors)… Category

Push it over!!

Posted in Reasons to Avoid AB and M-C (Anheuser Busch and Miller-Coors)... with tags , , on 08/11/2013 by beerbygarth

In all honesty, I’m glad the driver is alright.  Past that fact, push that shit hauler over the edge.  It’s Darwinism…that beer was meant to perish.  Also, oddly enough, the waterways around the Boston-metro are dirty as hell, so it wouldn’t really do any noticeable damage!

The full story can be found below:

http://www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/boston/10011376866834/truck-crashes-dangles-off-i-93-in-boston/

Reason #3- quit flooding the market with shit #beer in different labels…

Posted in Reasons to Avoid AB and M-C (Anheuser Busch and Miller-Coors)... on 11/15/2011 by beerbygarth

Walking down the beer aisle in a major grocery store, I tend to just zone out while ambulating past the 200 feet of cooler housing all the Budweiser and Coors offshoots.  Problem is…the entire aisle is only 250 feet.  Seriously.  After running into a brick wall trying to make a product that not only doesn’t taste like piss, but can actually compete with all the microbrews who truly care about the product they produce, the big boys have changed their plan of attack, and instead just make a SHITLOAD of the same garbage, put it in different labels, and then muscle the stores carrying their product into forking over more shelf space for their cloned swill.  What does that do, might you ask?  It forces the working, small-scale breweries off the shelf, in most cases, and in turn (and this is what they are going for), decreases attention to potential consumers, in an attempt to stifle sales.

This has been in practice for some time, but my frustrations were recently re-ignited (is that a word?  I don’t care, it gets the point across…) by this little nugget of news:

http://www.thestreet.com/story/11308517/1/bud-light-platinum-not-so-crafty-todays-outrage.html

Apparently ‘platinum’ is actually Latin for skunk excrement, so the title makes sense.  I mean, at least it’s not just a clever name.

Bud Light Platinum is another “attempt” at cornering a piece of the ever-growing craft beer market.  What did they do to make this new venture into artisan brewing?  They bumped up the ABV to 6% (watch out, folks), and they changed up the malt profile to make it a hint darker, so now you are drinking a glass of urine from a zebra that was both drunk and dehydrated.  You can put as much make-up as you can on a two-dollar whore, but she’s still a whore, folks.  If an actual, legitimate attempt at a quality product was made, I would be willing to bet there would be a better reception.  However, that will never happen, because what AB and M-C are more concerned with is marketing and repackaging, not the actual creative process itself.  Don’t believe me?  Let’s take a look at the abortions that have rolled out of the Anheuser-Busch back alley in the past.

Budweiser
You know what, you get a pass on this one.  It has been around since 1876, and truly does deserve some credit in the beer scene in a general, totalitarian way, since it survived Prohibition.  That’s as far as my good will goes, however.  It still tastes like burnt evil in liquid form, with a nice highlight of remorse.

Bud Light
Nothing like a nice glass of bile with fewer calories.  I mean, I guess it’s a lot easier to swallow useless when it won’t count for as many points on your daily diet.  Released in 1982, I truly wish to out-live this abomination, but I have little faith in the American consumer en masse.  Remember, fewer calories per beer is great, but when you drink 30 of them in one sitting, that tends to completely outweigh what the three or four craft brews would have cost you.  Your waistline will thank you if you switch now.

Bud
Released in Europe.  You know why?  I’ll tell you…there is another Budweiser out there, and it hails from the Czech Republic.  You can bet your ass there is a legal battle over the naming rights, as AB rarely lets anyone go without litigation, no matter how ridiculous the charge.  Sad thing is, the Czech Budweiser actually makes a decent brew…

Budweiser Select and Select 55
Bud Select ranks in at 99 calories, and Select 55…well, you get the idea.  At this point, I am too lazy to cut and paste the rant about calories from the Bud Light bullet-point above, but it applies here, as well.

Bud Ice
Alright, this one screams marketing.  What we are going to do is take Budweiser, raise the ABV to 5.5%, and make it the cheapest product in the Budweiser line.  That not enough for you?  Well, how about a psychotic penguin that hums Frank Sinatra as a mascot?

Budweiser Brewmaster’s Private Reserve
Where the hell was I when this one hit the shelves?  Jesus, I had some dark days, but come on, I don’t have a bit of recall on this one.  Apparently it’s a holiday thing, so merry freaking christmas to me, because I have never laid eyes on it, and I can’t think of a better gift.

Bud Dry
Born 1989, died 2010.  Why ask why…

Bud Silver
For a company who loves to sue the shit out of others for all kinds of copyright and naming things, this was a ballsy move infringing into the “silver” name category.  It was a UK release, seeing as how there is no real beer over there for people to enjoy (read: sarcasm).

Bud Extra
Beer with caffeine and guarana, this one was doomed from the start.  Not only did they plagiarise the idea from a small, upstart brewery (watch ‘Beer Wars’), they jumped into a market that would soon be doomed to abolishment thanks to 4LOKO and other bad ideas in that tract.

Budweiser and Bud Light Chelada
“What’s my shitty beer need?” 
-“How about Clamato juice?”
“…WHAT?????”

Budweiser American Ale
They actually went a slight bit askew from the company line on his one…”American Ale is the first beer under the Budweiser name that is brewed with a top-fermenting yeast.  The beer’s darker color is a departure from the other Budweiser brands.” (Stolen from Wikipedia, found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anheuser-Busch_brands#Bud_Light).  This was a direct stab at the craft beer scene, trying to carve out those who may have left the cult of Bud in search of taste and fulfillment.  Consider this a warning…just because the cult Kool-Aid is a darker color, it’s still cult Kool-Aid, and it will still have the same results!

Budweiser NA
Oh yeah, that’s perfect…not only does it taste like sweat from a hippo’s scrotum, but it WON’T get me drunk.  Phenomenal…now I have ZERO chance of forgetting that I’m actually drinking this embalming fluid.

Bud Light Lime
This little gem of wisdom was born in 2008.  I can picture it now…after seeing Corona commercials for the past 20 years, Pat McGroin, head of marketing, decides “maybe we put some lime in it.”  See above comment about two dollar whores…

Bud Light Golden Wheat
As craft beer grows in the US, and pays homage to styles of beer from all over the world, the amount of wheat beers being produced stateside increases.  Many mass-produced beer drinkers find that Hefs, witbiers, and other wheat styles are a very easy transition into the world of craft.  Citing the growth of ShockTop (which they own!) and Blue Moon (M-C), it’s obviously time to take up more space on the shelf by putting out the exact same thing as ShockTop and Blue Moon, but in a nifty label that will attract both Bud loyalists, because of the Bud Light, and (they hope) craft beer drinkers, because it says wheat.  If ignorance is bliss, the think-tank gurus at AB must be walking around in total orgasm all the time.

Budweiser 66
Another UK product, and again, its main target market attack is the calories.  It only has 84 (then why not name it 84?), so now we attack those watching the scales across the pond.  Whatever.

Now, these are just the Budweiser brands.  I’m not even going to get into Michelob, Shock Top, Busch, Rolling Rock, Natural, Land Shark, Tequiza, and all the malt liquors they make.  Nor am I venturing into the murky, sewage riddled waters of Miller-Coors.  Just the Bud brands, and now, Bud Light Platinum.  Another bastard child of bad ideas and zero taste.  You’ve been warned…don’t be mushrooms, and don’t let your friends be mushrooms, either (the whole in the dark, fed shit thing)!  Drink educated, my friends!

Reason #2- Drink American

Posted in Reasons to Avoid AB and M-C (Anheuser Busch and Miller-Coors)... on 03/19/2011 by beerbygarth

“I drink American” says the beer-bellied redneck, while he sits in his braided lawn chair next to his “American” auto that was made in Mexico (don’t get me started on that) up on cinderblocks, drinking swill out of a red and white can.  “I’m proud of this country, and I’m going to drink an American beer.  You can’t get any more red, white, and blue than an ice-cold can of (enter shitty brand here)!”

That’s a nice little piece of Americana for you right there.  Warms the heart, doesn’t it?  I mean, what’s more patriotic than a cooler full of Bud and/or Bud Light, and wheeling in a beautiful, shiny keg of Coors Light?  What’s more true-blue USA than a case of Miller Lite to continuously fill your beer dispensing helmet?  Well, let me open a little door and show you what’s better…

BEER THAT IS ACTUALLY AMERICAN!  If that is your main argument for drinking whatever spills through your liver on a regular basis then you need to be better informed of your product.  Who doesn’t want to be a better informed consumer?  People research cars before they buy them, they try out cell phones and laptops before deciding on a keeper, etc, etc.  Well, if the research needs to be spoon fed through as many different forums as possible to help turn one more person then open wide…

All of this information can be found in multiple areas throughout the internet, a few of which include:

http://www.drinkamerican.us/faq/59-who-owns-what-beers.html

http://beerwarsmovie.com/2009/12/10/who-owns-what-part-ii/#more-934

Also, if you go to the major AB/MC websites and do a little nosing around you can eventually find all the info, as well.  Because the information is so readily available, I’m just going to highlight a few silver bullet points, if you will.

Might as well start at the top, so let’s look at AB-InBev.  AB-InBev refers to themselves as “the leading global brewer.”  Due to the merger that brought Anheuser-Busch to the InBev company, they now produce 250 beer brands world-wide.  As you can gleam from the name, the entire AB family is now owned and distributed by the Belgian/Brazilian parent company, and that includes all the Buds, all the Michelob, all the Busch, and yes, even the beer-pong staple of Natty Light.  Where things get a little sneaky are once we step away from the major labels, and look at what other beers have been bought out along the way to the juggernaut that is AB-InBev.

A couple that hit close to home for me were Rolling Rock and Boddington’s.  High school and early college years found my fridge frequented with the lovely green RR bottles, and I consumed the brew from the glass lined tanks of Latrobe quite often.  Boddington’s was later in my college life, and it was a beer I was turned on to by my Anatomy teacher/research adviser, who was a direct import from across the pond.  Sweet trip down memory lane aside, the bitter truth eventually came to Lite.  AB bought out Rolling Rock in May of 2006 (which RR at that point was owned by InBev, ironically enough), at which point they closed the brewery in Latrobe and moved production to Newark.  Nuts and bolts of the deal were that AB bought the label, the recipe, and everything else.  No more glass lined tanks of Latrobe, no more mystique around the “33” on the bottle.  Now it’s just another cog in the machine.  Similar story to Boddington’s, which is a brew from Manchester, UK.

Other “imports” that fall under this umbrella of AB-InBev include Stella Artois, Brahma, Beck’s, Leffe, Boddingtons, Hoegaarden, Labatt (Oh Canada!), Löwenbräu, St. Pauli Girl and Bass.  AB-InBev also has part ownership and distribution deals with many other beers that we know and love, including Grupo Modelo (who make Corona and Negra Modelo, among others), Red Hook, and Widmer Bros.  The list goes on for a surprising amount of time.  It really is unfortunate.

Now, let’s take a look at Miller/Coors…don’t worry, the picture stays pretty bleak.  Miller Brewing Company is owned by SABMiller, a company out of South Africa.  From this company you are going to get your Miller and Coors beers in all of their different packaging, as well as Red Dog, Icehouse, the Milwaukee’s brands, Gambrinus, Grolsch, Pilsner Urquell, Henry Weinhard’s, Leinenkugel’s, Blue Moon, and Olde English, amongst a bevy of others.

So, what does any of this mean?  It depends on how you look at it.  If you are looking for a good tasting, high quality product, then you are very likely going to find some within these huge lists of beer.  Is there anything wrong with that?  Absolutely not.  If you are buying it for taste then you have the wonderful freedom of choice.  If you like Stella, drink Stella.  I happen to still love how Boddington’s tastes, but I won’t buy it.  This is where interpretation comes into play. 

I don’t buy their products because of their marketing strategies and business practices.  The beer may taste good, but I’m not paying for it.  And I am as pro-America as you can get, but I’m not boycotting because they are foreign companies, either.  Some of my favorite beers come from Belgium, Germany, etc.  I choose not to buy their products because of their constant strong-arm techniques towards Craft Breweries.  However, the point of this little rant does focus on the American aspect of it.  As I said before, it does not have any influence on my tastes, but what does annoy me is the people who claim to drink it from a patriotic standpoint.  Your precious beers and all the images that come along with it are no longer “American” as you once thought they were.  The Clydesdales might as well be wearing Brazilian soccer jerseys, and Sam Elliot is being paid by checks emanating from South Africa.  There is nothing wrong with any of this, it’s business as usual, actually.  But Bud, Miller, Coors, etc is not American Beer anymore.  It just isn’t happening, so I challenge you to find another excuse, or choose a truly American product, like a local microbrewery, or one that is brewed, bottled, and distributed by American owned companies, if the good ol’ US of A is going to continue to be your driving force for the beer you choose.

Here’s to everyone drinking smarter!  Cheers!

Reason #1

Posted in Reasons to Avoid AB and M-C (Anheuser Busch and Miller-Coors)... on 02/10/2011 by beerbygarth

I’m mostly interested in how high this particular count gets in the time to come.  That being said…..

“You stop drinking because you know it’s time to stop, but you don’t want to: That’s drinkability.” -August Busch III

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k80nW6AOhTs

August, you ignorant slut!  That’s not drinkability, that’s a slight breeze away from alcoholism.  In a drive to move as many product units as possible rather than strive for a product to be proud of, AB (Anheuser Busch), as well as M-C (Miller-Coors), have warped the definition of drinkability into a sales measurement.  If they are selling eleventy billion (that’s right) barrels in a year, in their minds, the beer must be delicious!

The most drinkable substance in the world is water.  That is the gold standard.  Very little taste, very smooth and palatable.  Water pretty much has that market cornered.  AB and M-C are, for some reason, trying to encroach on this market.  They are basically trying to make beer flavored water, when it all comes down to it.  The problem is, there are millions of people supporting this through their purchase; voting with the almighty dollar in the marketplace.  I was guilty of this as much as anyone else, perhaps even more.  I used to drink Coors Light like a champ, and for many years.  We all have dark pasts, don’t judge me.  Before that, I used to drink Natty Light because you could get a case for $11.  It’s economics.  So, if the argument comes down to pure economics, I will not persecute you.  There were times Natty was what we could afford for beer pong and funneling; in such extreme cases, taste is not an issue at all.  High school and college were tight times, and my taste buds suffered for it.  At this point, I can only hope the damage was not irreversible, but I guess I’ll never know.  The argument I have a hard time entertaining is people who actually try to justify AB and M-C in regards to taste.  Don’t do it.  Seriously, don’t.  Stop talking under your breath while you read this, claiming that Miller has won 5 consecutive blah blah piss awards, or Bud must be making a good product to be around for yada yada yada years….just stop.  It’s not pretty.  Just own up to the fact that either: A) you are cheap; B) you have NO taste; C) you have fallen prey to the giant marketing machine; D) you don’t really like beer in the first place but for some reason won’t admit it; or E) some combination of A, B, C, and/or D.

If you are reading this and it’s hitting close to home, do not fret.  B, C, and D are easily treated through education and experimentation.  I am a firm believer that there is a beer for everyone, and that particular beer does not have to be a mass-produced can of liquid awful.  Symptom A, unfortunately, you are on your own.  Cheapness can be changed, but that one is up to you.  I am not a financial advisor, nor am I a psych person.  FIgure it out yourself, tough guy.

For the future, this blog will continue to delve into the many reasons why I have umbrage with AB and M-C, despite many years of support.  I’m going to be like that ex that keeps talking about how good they have it now despite always harping on and returning to past indiscretions.  The only difference between me and the typical ex is that I am actually telling the truth!  My eyes were opened, and now I wish to return the favor for others blindly stumbling around in mass-produced beer hell.  My main issues with the big boys are actually their business practices more than their products, but rest assured, my shotgun approach will hit many and most targets, despite the category.