Well, this day was bound to happen. My favorite pastime while in my car is listening to talk radio, specifically Opie and Anthony (I do love Ron & Fez, too). I’ve been a loyal listener to the show for at least 9 years, and many days of driving to and from people’s homes during the work day that show has been what’s gotten me through. I knew, in my heart of hearts, that eventually craft beer would come within the crosshairs of their attention. There have been mentions from time to time, but the topic rarely warrants more than passing conversation. Erock dropping some fruity beers at Opie’s beach house, local NYC brewpubs providing food during the show, etc. Today, somehow the show transitioned from Nancy Grace and the legalization of weed to craft beer, and I cringed as I listened to every comedic blow dealt.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this show. I will continue to love this show. If this particular post does nothing more than open a few more sets of ears to the show then I would be ecstatic. That being said, I wanted to jump into the ring to defend craft beer. Ultimately, nobody even remotely associated with the show is likely to ever set eyes upon this blog, and that’s fine. Even if they did, at this point Opie would be doing a Sudoku puzzle, Jimmy and Anthony would be gawking at some young intern walking down the hallway, and Sam would be trying to figure out which host would be easiest to knock off and replace. Without further ado, here is the clip from the broadcast this morning. I’ll punch out timed bullet points for all the egregious errors and stereotypes thrown about. Start around 16:50, and if you’re at work wear some headphones because the language gets a little fucking salty at times.
For anyone not familiar with the show, there are a ton of ongoing bits and inside jokes that are really frigging funny throughout any given episode, and it really is worth checking out. A week or so into it and you can pretty much be up to speed on most running threads.
17:06 Jim Norton: “Blue Moon’s a beer?”
As happy as I am that there are people out there that have no knowledge of this shit product existing, that simple statement takes any validity away from Jim in a beer conversation. This fact is fine given Jim’s ongoing sobriety, which is a monumental feat, and something anyone should be proud of. Pride and accomplishment aside, your opinions on beer now mean as much as the shit you pay trannies to leave on your chest.
17:25 Opie talks about Club Soda Kenny stopping drinking because “kid’s don’t understand hangovers.”
This is a very true statement, but what’s great is the fact that adults do have the ability to understand restraint and responsibility. The average craft beer drinker consumes 2-4 beers in a sitting at max. Your shit swillers may be a different story, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I try to defend any of those sheep.
There is a topic here of hangovers and binge drinking for a few minutes which I think we can all relate to in some form or another. Almost every fan of craft beer got their starts with the big 3, or one of their off-shoot brands, and likely have many similar stories. The misguided keeping of a streak by The Opster is pretty goddamned funny. They also go off the highway a bit with some college nostalgia here. The “off the highway” phenomenon is pretty common on O&A, and leads to some great radio. Don’t worry, it comes back to beer very shortly.
22:25 A listener calls in to rant about the shit that is Blue Moon. Listener’s who call in are three types of people: 1)Brave, because if they have listened to the show more than once they should know that no matter how well spoken and eloquent their point they are probably going to be shit all over for some minute detail; 2) oblivious and crazy, thinking that the hosts are constantly talking directly to them through their receivers; or 3) assholes.
Anthony says “Any beer you mention that you like, someone will say what a shitty piss it is, and then recommend a beer they like. Fuck you!”
He’s not wrong, and I wouldn’t argue that statement a bit. One of the biggest detriments to the craft beer community is verbal and behavioral cannibalism. Go on any beer community website and it won’t take more than two clicks and a couple scroll scroll scrolls to find some fucking troll ripping someone apart because of the beer they happen to like.
23:00 Caller begins singing the praises of Sixpoint brewery.
As he should, because Sixpoint continues to make fantastic beers! Also, Sixpoint is one of the many breweries and beer related organizations that make it a point to give back to communities and charities through events and fundraisers, such as the annual Beer for Beasts event.
23:06 “…oldest frat boy in the world Opie…”
Great line, sir. Seriously…great line.
23:55 This is where the caller loses some steam. Resin by Sixpoint is a fantastic beer. It’s one of my favorite DIPAs. That being said, when you are talking to people who mainly consume watered down raccoon jizz, you need to offer more “bridge” friendly options, not a beast of flavor weighing in at 9.2% ABV. Sixpoint makes some great tasting, light, sessionable beers like Apollo, Incredibly Mild Ale, Little Buzz, and so on. You can’t throw these stalwart motherfuckers into the deep end right off the bat; you have to lure them into the waters slowly and gently. These children of the 80s are fragile.
27:55 Anthony: “This guy’s a bore at a party, criticizing everyone’s beer…”
Again, I can’t argue. As bad as the infighting in the craft beer community is on message boards and forums, there are way too many that love to jump down someone’s throat at social gatherings, completely unsolicited or initiated.
29:00 Jim makes a joke about “steering wheel” flavored beer in regards to wrecking a car when drunk.
Funny, but eerily similar to the stereotyping and gross generalization one cow-whore Nancy Grace was getting ripped apart for making a mere 20 minutes prior on this same broadcast. I get it’s a comedy show and I get you need to make jokes and keep it moving, but right now I’m just being a nit-picking bitch, and that was definitely a noticeable parallel, so there. Pbbbtt! Just because you drink beer doesn’t automatically mean you drive drunk. I would love to see the stats on DUI and motor vehicle accidents where alcohol was involved and get a breakdown of how many were related to craft beer. I’d be willing to bet it’s minimal.
29:30 Anthony: “You’re a wannabe kind of rich guy, but you’re a snob, hipster snob…”
All over the map here, but again, a gross generalization. Most craft beer drinkers are not trying to look the part of well to do; instead, most craft beer drinkers are trying to conserve money, while at the same time getting more quality for the dollars they are spending. Buying local has become a huge movement, and you truly cannot get more local than the beers being brewed in your city, or even your state, by companies that are owned by locals and make jobs for locals. The snob comment is a tough defense, as I’ve previously admitted. They are out there, but they aren’t all of us. And hipster, absolutely not. Hipsters drink PBR…just ask Pepper Hicks, that alcoholic centaur fuck.
30:20 listener “DoggyDaddy” from Rome, NY joins the conversation, and brings an underwhelming mass of garbage and mess with him.
Of course, as most follow-up callers are wont to do, he starts by saying the initial caller is full of shit. Great gag. Then, he states Sixpoint is made in Utica, NY and not Brooklyn. Sorry dipshit, Sixpoint is in Brooklyn. Saranac is made in Utica by the Matt Brewing Company. Saranac was the beer you were looking for, you should-have-been-abortion. If you are going to come in with a full head of steam talking shit, at least do a little fact-checking first.
Now you have two listeners talking to each other without listening, which leads to answering questions that aren’t being asked and both of them sounding like drunk-ass dipshits. #nothelping
32:40 Anthony: “…every fucking time I take a picture during the summer…someone catches the Bud Light…”
Again, the snobs and trolls coming out of the woodwork to attack the uninitiated or uncaring is not helping anybody. Some people just don’t care, and that’s always going to be there. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. It is ironic that these guys don’t care, though. These guys, who worked their way through terrestrial radio to get to satellite radio, a service that people have to pay for rather than free FM. I mean, by their logic of drinking what’s cheap, light, and mass consumable, shouldn’t we all, then, be listening to what’s free, light, and mass consumable? Saving that SiriusXM subscription money for other worthwhile ventures. Ultimately, it doesn’t affect them…they signed their contracts, so no matter who tunes in and who doesn’t they are getting paid, but it does make for an interesting analogy.
37:37 They bring in Erock, one of the producers, who admits to being a fan of craft beer.
Hooray, a man on the inside! This is the best bet for turning anyone on the show. Sam is a waste, because that overgrown child is emulating CM Punk in the straight-edge category, all while blasting his eardrums with pop-music horse shit and snacking on chicken fingers and other toddler foods. I don’t hear Travis weighing in on any of this, but the man has good taste in music and sports, so there’s always a chance there, too.
38:08 Anthony laments about wanting to drink all day, which obviously limits him to the Bud Light realm, right?
Not true, sir! The craft beer movement is ever-changing, and one of the more popular styles, or genres if you will, coming out now is Session beers. Session beers are generally 4-5% ABV (depending on who you ask) or below, so you can drink a shit ton of them and still pass the day pool side, beside your velociraptor statue and pre-teen co-eds.
I can’t say enough how much I love this show. Ask my wife, because I am constantly talking about it. If I didn’t love it, I wouldn’t have gone to this much trouble to comb the hell out of a single episode. When you really boil it down, Jimmy is a non-factor because he is dry and I can only hope he remains that way. His comic genius needs to stay sharp and firing on all cylinders. Anthony just doesn’t give a shit, whether it be due to laziness, cheapness, or that ingrained whiskey-tango gene that drives him towards quantity over quality. Get on the topic of guns and that quantity over quality mantra would change quickly for our follicle-transplanted friend, but in all fairness a craft beer is not going to stop most home invasions, so that argument is fairly weak. Although, Anthony does like Guinness, which is a gateway beer for many a people, so all hope may not be lost. Opie is the best chance in this bunch. He already has been dabbling in the shallow end of craft beer, and with a little push from Erock and a lot of hooks in the water, we might be able to lure that motherhucker over to our side.
The whole point of this spiel was to show how much nonsense was being spread about craft beer, despite the craft beer community’s best efforts to mass-educate in any way, shape, or form. As I said before, I highly doubt anyone from this show or network will ever even catch the slightest wind of this blog. If they do, I apologize to everyone I actually know who reads this blog, because I’m sure the pests of the O&A show will descend upon this blog, my facebook account, and every other online aspect of me out there, with a barrage of pictures of big dicks, Denny, and Scott & Todd references. If it does get ignored, as I expect, just take this as a token that no mountain is too big to attempt to tackle. As always, drink educated my friends!